Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
