so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
what day is it and did you see me today?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
