i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
