put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize