I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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