Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
