they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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