I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
