she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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