At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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