12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
