Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
