He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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