I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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