you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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