The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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