can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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