Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize