Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
