Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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