Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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