I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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