What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
