that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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