What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
