i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You can't special order awesome
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
