He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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