Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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