no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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