You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
