I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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