when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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