you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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