member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Randomize
