You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
