my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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