She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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