Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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