I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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