just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize