I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
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