Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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