I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
