I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
