Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
