i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize