I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
