4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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