So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This toilet bowl is my home.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
