my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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