Someone shit on the floor
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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