Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
