Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
