I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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