I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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