You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
