Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
