shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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