well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
