Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
