Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
