Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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