Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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