Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
