I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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