I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
