I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
