So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
