i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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