is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
