I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
