new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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