My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
