Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Damn victory sex feels great
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
