If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
