You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
