I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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