They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize