Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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