Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
