I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
