We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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