Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize