Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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