i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
