sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
