I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
