did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
