the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
