Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
