I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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