I got chris browned last night
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
