I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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