by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
