I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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