i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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