I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize