i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
