We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
