Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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