A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
