It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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