yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
