Rock
Scissors
Fuck
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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