Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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