Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
