She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
