she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
