with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
