I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize