I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
