I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
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