well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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