I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
