i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Randomize
