Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
