Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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