Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
